who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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