I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
