It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
