There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
