I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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