When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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