So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
