He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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