if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
