so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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