Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
