Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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