Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
