I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
After last night, I could never be a politician.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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