We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
