if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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