So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
