Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
