And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
