Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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