How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
