Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
