found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Drunk is not a location!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
