It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
dude. I can hear the air.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
