I just saw a hot homeless man
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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