I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
