so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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