I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
