On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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