You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
