can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
