She is in my trunk
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
