I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
