so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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