you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
