I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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