I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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