I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
