It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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