just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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