Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
