just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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