i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
