i'm signing you up for texting rehab
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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