Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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