I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
