Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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