We named our party play list daddy issues
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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