My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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