theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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