If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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