Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you win again, gameday.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
