I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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