my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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