You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
