My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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