she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
