Can Purell be used as lube?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.