apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?