I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???