No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering