Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
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What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone