can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
