Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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