I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
