my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
