So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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